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Are You Ruining Your Relationship
Mixed signals, frequent fights, melancholy moods and fits of crying—are these regular parts of your love life? It’s hard to keep a positive outlook on love when your relationships feel more like a battle than a romance. Have you ever wondered if you’re the one ruining your romantic relationships?
It’s not easy to admit that you might be to blame for your own less-than-perfect love life, but it also may be the first step in finally having the relationship you want.
One way you may be sabotaging your relationship is by taking misguided advice from friends, family or dating experts. They may urge you to play mind games in your relationship to keep your partner guessing, but games won’t keep them interested. In fact, it’s more likely to drive your partner away. Whether you’re playing the game of purposefully neglecting your partner in the attempt to make them want you more, or you’re simply being downright manipulative, playing games can ruin your relationship. Try honesty and mutual respect instead.
Are you someone that doesn’t allow intimacy to develop? Do you close up when you think you’re starting to feel too much? It’s easy to push a partner away in order to protect yourself from being hurt, but avoiding physical and emotional closeness in a relationship signals a fear of intimacy. That fear often manifests itself as physical distance from your partner, missed conversations and situations that could bring you closer and even infidelity. Without true intimacy any relationship is doomed to fail.
Another way to ruin your ability to have a satisfying relationship is to waste time on the wrong people. It’s an easy street to stumble upon. You thought they were the one, only later to discover you were wrong. In retrospect, you might have known all along if you had only listened to your inner voice. For instance, you may have stayed with someone who was successful and intelligent, but was also dishonest and selfish. Keep in mind, if you end up wasting time on the wrong person, you may not be ready when the right relationship comes along.
You may also want to consider whether or not you are too controlling. Do you have to know where your partner is, what they’re doing and who they are with at all times? Are you the one who makes all of the important decisions, while barely considering your partner’s input or even asking for it at all? Most controlling people don’t know or don’t want to admit they are controlling. If you use your temper and your moodiness to make your partner do what you want, can’t accept when your partner says no, or have a problem allowing your partner make joint decisions, then you may be ruining your relationship by being too controlling.
A huge relationship killer is neediness. Relationships with needy people can be exhausting. Needy people want constant affirmation. Even if someone shows love on a regular basis, a truly needy person won’t ever feel completely confident that the affection is real or strong enough. It’s normal to have doubts every now and then, but to have a healthy, long-lasting relationship you have to trust your partner. If you constantly seek attention and affirmation, even when your partner is giving you plenty already, you could be sabotaging your relationship with neediness.
Sometimes we simply don’t love ourselves enough to have healthy relationships. Self-love is at the core of happiness and wellbeing. Without it, it’s difficult to build strong, loving relationships with others. Learning to love yourself allows you to be vulnerable, which is essential to having a deep, loving relationship. If you don’t believe you’re worthy of love it will be difficult to accept love from someone else.
Part of a successful relationship is being able to share your deepest emotions, fears and thoughts with another person. Building a close, strong relationship means talking about what you’re thinking and feeling, and listening in return. Take the time to listen to what your partner shares with you, even when it’s just routine or mundane things. Most people just want to be heard and won’t stay with someone they don’t feel listens to them.
You may also have unrealistic expectations about your relationship. Love is depicted in fairy tales, music and movies as a magical thing that can transcend every day into paradise. Love does feel like that sometimes, especially in the beginning, but love is not perfect. Falling in love is easy, but sustaining it takes work. There’s no point in waiting for the perfect person or the perfect romance. Having unrealistic expectations could actually cause you to ruin a perfectly good relationship.
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